When my Grandma passed away I went to pieces. I really struggled with mortal fear and was bewildered by it all. One minute she was there all solid and Grandma the next not. I spent a long time in my studio painting big ugly paintings, trying to work things out. In the end I went back to stitching and this gave me the slow meditative process I needed to think and feel things through. When my Dad passed away I felt a lot more able to cope with the horrible loss. It appeared to me that being able to creatively think through all the things which go on around death really helped me. I still have moments where it scares me but on the whole I have found my own none religious way of coming to terms with it.
So when a friend brought out a plain wooden box and told me that he thought it would make a good death box for him and his wife it made perfect sense to me. The box would house all their useful and sentimental bits and pieces so that when they died people would know where to look. Both very much alive and full of beans it seemed to us that the box should reflect the vitality of the couple and their lives. We racked our brains about things in our own modern British culture which helped us come to terms with death and found it lacking. We wanted something that was full of colour and joy but also made it clear what the box was for. Mexican aesthetic and attitude seemed to express our thoughts so we looked here and combined it with old English icons sometimes seen on graves.
Hands held, flowers and animals which burst with life but represent death symbolically. After creating a sketch book and pinterest board of ideas I set out to prepare and paint the box. It was a long multi layered process which gave me plenty of time to ponder on the subject. Alongside the creation of the box a good friend has been living some of his final days and his loved ones haven’t got the time to think about what might be important beyond. Its all too much calls to doctors, dealing with carers and the practical side of a very ill person. I know from my Dad passing that it seems rude and cruel to mention death at the last minute, so you joke and cajole and pretend that the person is recovering. I know it seems morbid when I look up from some trashy tele and just declare what I want to happen when I die but if not then when. Last moments too late and after we are just left wondering what this now silent person might have wanted.
So it strikes me that doing this whilst in the flush of health is a good idea. The box is now finished, varnished and delivered so its over to the couple to decide what to fill it with. There was joking talk of a divide to split the space evenly but after many years of marriage I’m sure that they will share.
